In going deeper into God and self, I have realized that some of the things that were once necessary components of my faith now seem to hinder trust and love. The truths that once seemed absolute now lie in the shadow of a broader truth. Rather than emphasizing answers, questions have become a better focus when respectfully approaching Love.
While some truths continue to remain foundational, others seem to have better served me by grounding me and establishing my faith. Heady knowledge, fellowship and good works provided an exceptional beginning to my life-long conversion, but real transformation is coming to light through darkness, suffering, authentic living and love. Learning and then teaching the theological and doctrinal principles of my faith tradition served as a stellar beginning to knowing, but a deeper Knowing is emerging from the times that I allow myself to humbly un-learn.
Like real working shutters on a house, the early teachings provided protection, light and ventilation. But as I beg for a deeper, richer life, Spirit seems to offer choices, rather than answers, to me. I can indeed have the fuller life if I dare to die to self. Now, when I allow Spirit to be my protection, light and ventilation, it rarely looks like I had imagined in the beginning. It is costly, it is extraordinary and it is very personal, for I am becoming one with God, by following the example of Jesus. I cannot do that and then somehow, I can, but not on my own.
Sacred Ruminations*