Playful Prayers

I go back and forth from aspirational words to expressive words. Aspirational words invite me to live into their truth. Expressive words wink, and then ask that I give watchful consideration to my experiences as I playfully stitch them into my personal story. This back and forth lends confidence and clarity as I seek to live a true life.

Over the last several years, the prayer that I cried most often was, “I want to be present to this moment and all that it holds!”

I know the value of combing back over experiences to learn the preferences, strengths, shadows and weaknesses that assist me in getting to my Truest Self. I am a natural when it comes to living into ideas and possibilities, the “what if’s”, but I longed to be in the moment.

I began noticing how few people in our culture are genuinely present. I felt such a difference in my encounters with those who had learned the discipline of deep listening. I wanted to be more attentive, too.

Oddly, the way I observed Spirit moving me toward presence was enticing me away from where I was. Every day the desert whispered, “Come”. The strain of emotionally being somewhere other than where I was physically, kept me in a tension that required terrific concentration, until finally I let go. That was when I found all of it, in the same place.

As I listen to myself now, it sounds like a playful riddle, much like the visual mystery of a Van Gogh painting. As playful as the prayers appear, written on the page or stitched into my canvas, there was nothing that felt playful about the trudging through.

Moving into one’s True Life, much like creating a beautiful work of art, often requires acknowledging the agonizing, and often, ugly struggles. As I have looked at Van Gogh’s paintings, through the years, I have seen such depth in his playful strokes. Not either or, but both depth and playfulness. Together they make a powerful union.

I suppose it is the riddle that keeps the critic guessing. Perhaps that’s the idea, to release the inner critic and simply be in the story.

Sacred Ruminations*