I was standing on top of a tall building enjoying the breeze on my face, when all of a sudden; I found myself plummeting toward the ground. This was the scene that I repeatedly dreamed. Somewhere within, I believed that I would resign my fulfilling dance/exercise ministry at age forty, but it was not a foremost thought in my mind.
Each night that I replayed the dream, invariably, the disturbing fall woke me from my sleep. After I resigned, the emotional feeling of a fall woke me as well, to a deeper attentiveness.
When I shared with my husband that I believed it was time to resign, he responded, ”It will be a death of sorts.” I thought he meant for the ministry. I did not understand. I had trained multiple people who surely could carry on; plus, I was planning to walk my successor through the transition. Little did I realize, resignation would indeed, be a death, mine.
Over and over in life, we experience gestation, birth, life, death, burial and resurrection. It may be true living. Jesus modeled how to live in a memorable, life-changing way. His example is what opens us up to new life at various junctures on the journey. Those who avoid the cycle seem to get stuck in conventions and lose connection with Heart.
Early on, I did not outline a specific path professionally, because I tend to respond to new ventures. Without a detailed plan to accompany my bigger picture, I had to trust my path. Even so, I set numerous goals and jumped through all of the reputed hoops that gave me a certain prestige in my field.
I was on a track of doing everything right, but then there came the fall, and the fall taught me the more important principle of doing the right things, the things that were necessary to my journey and what ultimately would be my gift to others.
Following my heart, at the time of my resignation, did not prove to be a popular decision. As much as I wanted approval, because I needed input from community, I knew that if I did not follow my heart, I would get stuck in someone else’s interpretation of my life. And so, I shifted my intentions from becoming the person that reputable sources said that I should be, to concentrating on being who I was created to be.
Achievement and working hard to get what I wanted was necessary to my life’s story. The natural morphing has led me to waiting, trusting and being from which the more mature life is emerging. Being attentive, in spite of all that seemingly I was not accomplishing, led me to a deeper understanding of True Life. Somewhere in the nine years of falling, I woke up to the realization that I wasn’t falling at all. I was flying!