The womb is a landscape I cannot recall; however, in looking at proven scientific answers that I have lain on the backdrop of the mysterious other, I have imagined the first landscape that I explored.
In the dark and eerie waters, God’s Spirit hovered, creating me. Womb time was alone time, except for the one carrying me and the Other tending to me. I was alone; and yet, a host of witnesses, those in real time and those of mystical amalgamation enveloped me. All that brought me to that point in time cannot be counted by human measurements, but essentially the landscape of the womb was a location that I explored alone.
Waiting, trusting and being ultimately birthed me into the external light. Today, when I find myself in dark waters of the ambiguous, I look for a teacher through a mentor, a friend, through scripture or a book. How can his life’s experience teach me? What would she say to me? Where are the words that will answer my life’s questions?
Then the womb comes into focus as my teacher and I realize that landscape requires something beyond words. It beacons me to join with, to rest, to wait and to trust. But there are times when I want to solve the dilemma with words that will usher me into the light. I want God to say, “Let there be light,” and then to experience a beaming outer light, in that very moment.
I am learning that womb time is treasured time. It is a brooding time, much akin to winter, when a great deal is being formed and little is being accounted for. Our world does not invite us to slip under the newly fallen snow. Organizations generally require its employees to schedule their own winter season. Well-meaning friends coax us from the womb whether we have made the conscious choice to crawl back in, or life has demanded a re-creation of us.
Being present while still keeping a glimpse of all that was and all that is possible keeps me grounded in my Truest self. Maybe this moment is meant for private worship. Feasibly, the fruit of it could shed light on a younger family member’s path. Perhaps my new birth will occur at a timely tipping point and become an epiphany for others. None of the outcomes is of my concern, only relinquishment of self to the hovering of Spirit and the enjoyment of her attention.
Sacred Ruminations*