I didn’t see any way around it. To love others as myself, I had to let the differing voices inside of me speak. It has become a regular practice. The parts of me speak while the whole of me listens.
A talking stick is an instrument that native tribal communities use in meetings to keep order. Also, it is a handy tool when two people cannot find common ground.
Here’s how it works: One person holds the stick and talks until she feels heard. Once she senses that she has been understood, she passes the stick to the other. As he holds the stick and talks, she holds the space.
Rather than busily formulating a response, the listener’s role is to be attentive. Especially, the listener should refrain from judging. After all, if Sacred is all around and within, this encounter holds an invitation from the Holy.
I use my talking stick to give greater attention to the conflicting voices within me. When my mind is fast at work analyzing what is and how to hurdle the obstacles or when my emotions are rising up from shame, anger, hurt or fear, I invite my differing views to a gathering.
I follow three rules: 1) Physically participate, holding the stick, rather than merely thinking it through 2) Say everything 3) Refrain from judging
Generally, when negative thoughts rise up in me, I defend myself, believing in my brighter side. But with my talking stick in hand, I attentively listen to every voice within, letting each thought and emotion have its full say.
I sit with the varying views and in time, I begin to see the origin of a cynical thought, or the wounded-ness in my heightened emotion. It may not be in that very moment, but eventually compassion flows and the sharp edges of my colored lines begin to soften.
Now, in my day-to-day, when I encounter others’ stuff, I more readily remember my own and call on Faithful Compassion to wash over the hypocrisy, criticism or judgment. Knowing the sequence, I am more apt to give space and watch the lines blur with gentleness.
My talking stick has honed my discernment, allowing me to go deeper into my own ongoing inner work while freeing me from the restraints caused by the unfinished work of others. It has provided a way to give respect to the whole of me and in turn, I’ve become less patronizing and more respectful of others.
* Creating a journal was the first intentional step I took to listen to the whole of me.
If interested, see Shop on SacredWithin.Us